August 30, 2015
I started writing my blog while on vacation with my girls. This was intentional. When I am with them I feel courageous and strong. Some of the women that I was with have been in my life since the day I was born. I only understand the world with them in it. I love looking at their beautiful faces, how they move, and the sound of their laughter. As we were packing to leave Gaye was weeping, I consoled her but I was just as sad. It’s so hard to leave that comfy, sacred space. Sometimes life seems to move so fast and I just want to freeze the moment. The time we spend together gets stored in my heart and in my memory.
Oh, I almost forgot, I learned my new favorite word for the vagina…Pachoni, we are the Pachoni sisters!!! Thanks to Lillian for that gem of a word!
Our beach house vacation together is over and I feel the loss of my sisters even before we part. We had a great time. My niece Carly calls talking, chirping. We chirped from the moment we woke up until the moment we said good night to each other. The only time we stopped chirping was when we were chewing, and there was a lot of chewing. Prior to the trip we talked about eating salads, proteins and healthy carbs. First day on the beach we brought fruit and water, by the third day we schlepped 2 grocery bags filled with potato chips, pretzels, Doritos, corn chips, cheddar and pretzel flavored goldfish and trail mix. We also had vodka cocktails which we disguised in coffee mugs. Oh well, the diet will begin again when we get home. The break from the routine felt great and necessary.
On the first day of vacation we greet each other with so much excitement. We hug and kiss and I say, “how are you” and she smiles and lies and says, “I am good, how are you?” and then I smile and lie and say, “I am fine”. It is later in the day and after the first cocktail that we get into the real details of our lives. No one’s life is perfect. We all have difficult and complex personal issues. We chirp, laugh, cry and support each other. We have lived long enough to know a few things. Life has its ups and downs. There are things that happen that can feel unbearable and exquisitely painful. We all have scars and calluses from living and as I get older I really understand the saying, “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” My mother would say, when you feel you are at the end of your rope tie a knot and hang on. She is right, I am strong and things do somehow work out.
I am realizing that life is being able to hold the pain and the joy at the same time, put a smile on your face and move forward.
Also, an infusion of my sisters helps to sustain me.
August 27, 2015
When sisters go on vacation we always pack way too much. Shoes, clothing, bathing suits, cover-ups, etc. Even after years of experience packing for vacation most of us over pack. One of my must-have pack items which is rarely used on vacation is my exercise outfit. Every time I am packing for vaca I whole heartedly place my sneakers, socks, wicking shirt and pants in my bag with intentions of beginning each morning with a brisk walk…it never happens, and I don’t even feel bad about it. The intention was there but the break from my usual routine is great.
But, the one thing I never forget and always gets used is a book of matches and an awesome product called poo-potpourri. You spray the poo-potpourri in the toilet and when you go all you smell is the lemon scented product. It’s great so you can relax and not blow up the bathroom with stink.
Poo is a huge topic of discussion when traveling with the girls; who went, who didn’t go, who is feeling bloated and disgusting because of all the crap we ate the day before and are now feeling bloated and farty. In my family the poopy discussion is constant, we often compete to have the floor to share the best poopy story. We laugh and think it’s funny. I should tell you that I have the sense of humor of a 10 year old boy, poopy and farts are funny, but in discussion only, I really don’t want to smell that shit because it’s freakin’ gross. Poo-envy is also an issue, if I haven’t gone and someone is bragging that they did go I feel angry and jealous. Anyway, poo or not we put on our bathing suits and head to the beach to enjoy another day of vacation.
A little background – I need to explain what the word “sister” means to me and where the name of my company, Sister Weekend, LLC comes from. Me, my sister, my cousin and her daughter get together every 4-6 weeks to have our gray hair colored and cut, then we eat lunch, shop, have cocktails, shop some more, then eat again. We are together from early in the day until late night when we sadly have to part ways. We each live over an hour from each other but the meeting place is the hair salon. Many years ago we decided that one day at the salon was not enough so we started taking weekends away and then it turned into a week away. Cousin Gail rents a beach house and invites the sisters for a week each summer to sun, fun, talk, laugh and sometimes cry.
I actually have only have one “sister” who shares the same mother, her name is Gaye and our mom is Marsha. Then there is our cousin Gail and her daughter Cori, I call them my sisters! and then there are other relations and friends, and I refer to them as my sisters also. I view other women as my sisters. Our species, the female species is unique and wonderful and complex and by calling other women my sisters it reminds me that we are so similar in significant ways.
So, we are currently enjoying the beach house. Gaye and I wake up in the morning and join the others who are already out on the deck. Three of the woman drinking coffee and one of them with her magnified mirror and tweezer dealing with those damn facial hairs that are so hard to see unless you have the right angle and enough light. I now understand why Grandma Anne had a mirror and tweezer on the window sill, She was being vigilant about the damn facial hair.
Oh, and here’s the cruel joke about those facial hairs. just as they begin sprouting up in places that you never thought could grow hair… your eyesight gets worse and you cant see them unless you have your glasses, a magnified mirror, a tweezer, and sunlight. I once found a hair growing out of my neck that over an inch long. There it was flapping in the wind. When I was younger and would see women with chin hairs I would wonder why they didn’t just pluck that right out, but now understand.
August 25, 2015
I was always so scared of menopause. I thought it was going to be the end. “Peri-menopause” is where I am in the process.
My grandma Anne called it “The changes” and I have really come to love that term.
Changes are occurring, hot flashes and changes in my period. But I have noticed that there are other things changing also. Changes for the good and I don’t feel scared anymore, I am embracing the changes.
With The Changes, I find that I no longer get cramps with my menstrual cycle. I also have had a huge reduction of migraines!
but most importantly-
I no longer feel the need to prove anything to anyone.
I no longer care what you think of me.
I still battle my own inner thoughts though. I thought by the time I was 48 years old I would have self-love and total self-acceptance…but I don’t and so now I will blog to share my process.
I was at a wedding two weeks talking to a girlfriend from childhood and a newer friend. All of our ages within a 10 year span of each other. one friend was complaining about how fat she looked. The other friend was complaining about the wrinkles on her face. All I saw standing before me was 2 beautiful women.I joined the conversation by saying that I hoped by the time I got to this age I would stop with the self-hate and negative self talk.
I am sick of hating myself and being so hard on me.
The truth is that I would never talk to anyone the way I talk to myself.